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That wasn’t to be, as thinking about Jorge took me down a very different path. I stopped typing, leaned back, and reminisced about him, and others.“What’s wrong, Daddy?” Birgit asked a moment later.“Daddy was just thinking about some things that he’s trying to figure out.”“What?”“About dying.”“Like Jorge?” she asked.“Yes. And my friend Stephie. The one in the picture in the ‘Indian’ room who used to be married to Jason. And my friend Joseph, who died before you were born. And my girlfriend who died who had the same name as you.”“You miss them?”“Yes, I do. You know how you miss Katy? So you send her cards and she sends you cards and you call her on the phone?”“Yes!”“Well, it’s like missing Katy and not being able to write to her or call her or hear from her.”“I would be very sad,” Birgit said.“That’s kind of how it feels when someone dies. You miss them and you can’t do anything about it.”“Are you sad, Daddy?”“No, Pumpkin. I was sad when each of them died, but now I just miss. This meant some weekends that I was naked from the moment I got up Saturday morning until I went to bed Sunday night. Other weekends they were allowed to think up other things to do. They went out and bought some children’s diapers and diapered me some times. When they did this, they warned me that I absolutely had to pee in my diaper or they would take turns spanking me and making me drink glasses of water until I peed all over the floor while they watched.Another awful game they dreamed up was called “doggie.” They would say that I was a doggie, make me strip completely naked, and then walk around only on my hands and knees. I also had to assume a begging position if they told me to beg, which they did more and more frequently. The worst thing about the doggie game was that I was said to be “housebroken.” That meant that if I had to make pee or poo poo, I couldn’t do it in the toilet or even in the house. I had to let them know by pointing to my private parts and then.
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